While debatable in many circles, change for the sake of change cannot be considered evolution. There are certain things that the human race has done in the name of “progress” that were little more than a shortcut in some way. A modern example of this can be found in the adult beverage industry. The appearance of canned cocktails seemed to be an odd short-term fad, but that is not the case. In 2020, canned cocktail sales surged 52.7%, according to IWSR, a drinks market analysis firm.
Canned Cocktails
Consumer demand grew during the pandemic, as bars and restaurants closed, and people pursued outdoor activities. The overall RTD category, which includes hard seltzers, grew 62.3% in 2020, according to IWSR. While obviously convenient, there are tradeoffs for getting your old-fashioned in an aluminum can. Now yes, I am a bit of a curmudgeon on the topic and believe that canned cocktails are a sign of the end times of humanity. Yet, I acknowledge the popularity and because of that, I will do some testing to see for myself.
First up in our taste test was the Austin Cocktails Margarita. Just a note as we make our way through these reviews. I will not be discussing the “notes of caramel and leather.” This is straight-up a taste test. So, I crack the seal on the margarita and take a taste straight from the can. I mean, these are canned cocktails, let’s test them in their original condition. Well, they certainly did not skimp on the lime as it was the first thing that hit me.
In fact, it punched me in the mouth. Honestly, overall, it was not terrible. If I had to classify it, it would be an inexpensive cruise ship drink of the day. Where this margarita went wrong was where so many margs go wrong. Cheap tequila. While I will not throw this over the fence, I will simply say that I’ve tried it, but won’t be ordering one at the bar.
Some Misses
Next up we will look at the Cutwater Long Island Iced Tea. If you are a connoisseur of Long Island Iced Tea, I am assuming that you have at one point slept on the floor and woke up missing a shoe. My first taste caused some confusion because it didn’t taste like a Long Island Iced Tea. It took several sips before I could really confirm this first impression. Now don’t get me wrong, it didn’t taste bad, it just wasn’t what I expected. Thinking I missed something, I went to see what others had to say about it. Most were of this nature. “Our elevated interpretation of this notorious cocktail features four award-winning spirits with citrus notes and a splash of cola.” Well, I wouldn’t throw that many flowery words at it, but it wasn’t bad. Just not a Long Island Iced Tea.
Our next guest would be Bombay Saphire Gin and Tonic. I enjoy gin and tonic because it is simple and tasty. My first sip from the can was purely a moment of regret. A gin and tonic is just that…gin and tonic. This concoction had a heavy citrus flavor and was downright bitter. How did this go wrong? For those among us who are fans of this classic drink, all I can say is don’t do it. While others had some redeeming qualities, I genuinely did not care for this. Partially because my traditional gin and tonic senses were mugged, but also because I simply did not care for the flavor.
The Hits
My next canned drink would be more of a generality than a specific cocktail. This one was a highball. A highball is a mixed alcoholic drink composed of an alcoholic base spirit and a larger proportion of a non-alcoholic mixer, often a carbonated beverage. Examples include Seven and Seven and Scotch and soda. Jim Beam entered the RTD market, well because they see a chance to make money. One of their offerings is the Jim Beam Classic Highball. You may be shocked to find that I enjoyed this one. I am a whiskey guy, so the flavor caught my attention. The whiskey is nicely rounded out by citrus and some serious carbonation. I could see these going down easily on a hot summer day.
Last but not least we have the Tip Top Old Fashioned. As you can imagine, I am very opinionated about all things whiskey. With that as a base I slowly opened the can and took a drink. My response was pretty direct as I yelled “Damnit.” I yelled this because I so desperately wanted to hate this. I wanted to write a snarky commentary and continue with my downfall of Western civilization because of cheap booze. First off, it is a real cocktail coming in at 74 proof. The flavor was pretty balanced between the sweetness of orange and the slight rub of bitters. I would drink this again, but certainly over ice in a nice glass just to feel more sophisticated.
Canned Cocktails: The Bottom Line
In retrospect, most of the RTD offerings I tested were not bad. Most, however, wandered from what the true original cocktail is meant to be. It’s more of a market-driven modification of a classic designed to placate the masses and make more money. Each has its own strengths and enjoyable aspects. All I ask is that you don’t think that this is all these classic cocktails are. These are convenient, but as with most things in life, the greatest pleasures we ever experience take time.
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